12/26/13

Meeting Santa

He looked around the impeccably decorated  wide  arena of the mall . The thermocol icicles tastefully  hanging from the ceiling , the gloriously bedecked Christmas tree with a resplendent star on top , the lifelike figures of reindeer and polar bears in a shining patch of thermocol snow - this clubbed with the AC and lighting of the mall almost transported one to a typical postcard Christmas-land .

Although his employers had tried to motivate him to "get into the spirit of the season" , he was in the sourest mood possible . It meant nothing at all to "get into the spirit", as they put it. Life was nothing but a bunch of miseries which kept throwing pellets of complications one after another - much like a grotesque game of paintball played by the gods in high heavens . His eyes followed a couple locking hands and entering into a store . They would probably come out an hour later, hands  laden with presents for their loved ones . He would have gladly spent all his money on a present - the problem was that there was no one to gift it to .

A wave of bitterness engulfed him . He felt bitter towards all the people in this complex of materialistic joys. All the giggling ladies  , boisterous uncles  , excited teenagers who passed by him without looking ,  as though he was just another piece of decoration in the wall . 

All his life he had wanted to hide his true identity , mask his emotions and make himself invisible to the world . And now he had just that very chance . It was a hard lesson he had learnt very early in childhood - that no one cared . It mattered to nobody whether he was alive , or begging for alms or crawling with a diseased body with no one to listen to him. He had learnt to fend for himself , and he had done it well . All he had to do was hide his emotions behind a mask and tend to customers in the mall . No prospects of promotion, no preferences over what kind of people he  dealt with . It was not a career , it was a job that provided for him - that was all .

He saw a bunch of presents hanging from the Christmas tree and with a pang remembered the only Christmas he had celebrated years and years ago . He vividly remembered the small red car that "Santa" had left for him in the middle of the night . He had tried to stay wide awake , to catch a glimpse of Santa , but soon sleep took over and he was fast asleep in his mothers lap . When he woke up the next morning , there it was , wrapped in a rough brown paper and left for him at the feet of his worn out mattress .

But that was decades , nay , light years ago . That was before his father had stabbed his mother in a fit of drunken fury . Before he had to run for his life , leaving the broken down hut that he called home . The memories of fleeting happiness that he had, brought a tear to his eye .

A sudden commotion brought him back to his senses , and he was almost surprised as he saw his reflection in the glass door of a fashion store . His whole being was inundated with sorrow , and yet his appearance showed no traces of it.


"SANTA , SANTA" screamed a little girl , tugging at her mothers arm . "I want to shake hands with Santa" . She ran up to him and hugged him with pure unadulterated delight .All the mother saw was the "Santa" hand over a bunch of chocolates to her child . Little did she know that it was not Santa who had given her a little girl a present. It was the little girl who had given the dressed up Santa the gift of love that symbolized the true spirit of Christmas .

11/27/13

Who is the Big Boss ?

After a frustrating day at work , it gives us immense sadistic satisfaction to switch on the idiot box  and watch reality shows  depicting celebrities succumbing under pressure .   As a general rule , I do not watch "Bigg Boss" . Frankly , I don’t see the point . I neither have enough love nor enough hatred towards the so called celebrities, that I am just indifferent to watching them swear all over the  place and hatch elaborate plots against each other .

But somehow , I couldn’t avoid the new Big Boss season . The temptation of seeing Heaven was too much to resist . All the avid BB fans will know what I am talking about - " Heaven" is a handsome golden retriever who committed heinous  crimes in its past birth . The poor dog , his name itself is a satirical comedy .
He is called "Heaven" , but he is stuck in hell with a bunch of modern savages . And the worst part is - he has no escape route ! No ticket out of the hell hole . No elimination ! Dog alone knows what really goes on within the "tele-barbed" walls of the BB house .
My deepest sympathies with Heaven - but this article is not about him . Its about the very concept of Big Boss .

Now that I am actually watching the show , I cannot help but marvel at the simple ingenuity of the show . Just find a bunch of crazy , fame thirsty specimen . Put them all together into a house and ask them to live the life of an average middle class family . A kind of life that nearly half the country is living . And voila ! There you have it . Reality cannot get any better than this !

I myself have  shared my humble abode with several room mates for the past few years . I do understand the complexity of living with someone who is not family , and yet trying to make "home" a place to return to at the  end of every day . There are subtle dynamics governing the day to day life - especially when you rent a place and not just share a room . There is cleaning to be done , food to be cooked , groceries to be bought , finances to be managed .. Oh , the list is endless ! And yet , in spite of all the very same constraints imposed in my life as shown in Big Boss , I have never seen any cat fights or sulky faces or necessity of "rules to be followed in order to co-exist" .

From watching all the drama unfolding on the show , I cannot help but think that all this is exactly what it is - "drama" - fake , exagerrated , enacted . But is it really ? When you are really trapped inside four walls for months together  , will you really have it in you to act all the way ? IF yes , then kudos to all the great acting out there ! If not ,then BB is glaring example to show how ridiculously pampered our Indian celebrities are .  Shame on them that they make such a big hullaballoo out of simple things like washing vessels ,cooking food and managing finances ! I mean really . Grow up and stop whining you celebrity bitches !
Its not some great achievement that you did out there . All of the task that you did there together is something that an average middle class mother has done single handedly !

Shame on you for applauding yourself for doing household activities while living in comfort and literally doing nothing else .  Take your heads out of you’re a***s and look inside the household of a average middle class family . They do all these so called "tasks " along with handling this other thing called LIFE . Oh yes , they do !

You talk about the brutality of living and serving strangers ? Welcome to the life of a newly married bride in a middle class Indian family .
The great difficulties in washing vessels AND cleaning toilets on the same day ? You are only doing this for 3 months , on a shift ! And you are so sulky about it that there is nothing else more painful ! Any middle class family does all of this , every single day of their lives along with whatever else they need to do to make a living . Day In and day out .
The cruelty of limited finances ? 33 rs is defined as the threshold for BPL in India . I am sure you are better off !
Emotional grief of being away from loved ones ? Need I tell you how many fathers stay in different cities from their families just so that the daily bread is earned ?

You sit and whine and create drama . And at the end of it you describe that "Bigg Boss was a life changing experience " . Good for you , dear celebrity . Because for hundreds of others your "life changing" experience is simply the unchanging reality of their lives .
And yet , inspite of every damn difficulty that life throws at us , we finish our days work , finish paying off our bills , cook the food , clean our houses , feed the children and at the end of the day, without fail  -we switch on the idiot box to watch you do a bit of what we deal with .

Who's the real Big Boss now ?

9/5/13

Teachers choice

One of the trademarks of the way Indian Mythology is narrated , is its extreme bias towards some characters and some actions , however illogical and inappropriate they may be .
It is probably very  unorthodox of me to take the story of Ekalavya on an occasion like teachers day and point out that the story is in fact , not as glorious as it is made out to be .
Mythology tells us that Dronacharya , one of the greatest teachers of the land was engaged to teach the sons of the kings . Being a teacher in the royal household , he refused to take Ekalavya , a student of the lower caste , as his student . Absolutely hell bent on learning archery , Ekalavya proceeded to learn the art all by himself considering Drona to be his Guru . Finally , when he got a chance to display his talents to whom he considered as his Guru , what price did he have to pay ? A thumb from his right hand as GuruDakshina !

Whenever this story is narrated , it mostly  talks about the devotion of a student for his teacher and the noble sacrifice made by him just to please his Guru .
Really , this is so absurd ! Its high time we look at this from a critical point of view .

It is very hypocritical the way our  mythology can claim Drona to be an excellent teacher , while he possesses many of the qualities a teacher should absolutely not posses .
Consider the way he rejected Ekalavya just because of his caste . If every teacher refused to take up students based on caste , class or social standing , then how can our country hope to achieve literacy ?
A teacher is supposed to be impartial and judge students only on their skills .  Even though Drona's favoritism towards Arjuna can be justified considering that he was the most talented archer in the royal household , the lengths to which he went to ensure that his star pupil remained the best is just despicable  !

I have never understood the concept of Guru Dakshina . For a teacher , I assume that seeing the student doing well itself is the most fulfilling reward . Of course , one needs some monetary compensation to maintain a living . But it is really ridiculous that under the pretext of "Guru Dakshina" a teacher is allowed to ask whatever he wants of the student . And the student is "supposed" to oblige .
Probably in the earlier days ,  the concept of Guru Dakshina arose from an assumption that the teacher knows what is best for the Student . It was probably a tactic devised to prevent the young student from making rash judgements . And the student at the time was of course , totally under the care of the teacher .
In todays context I would say this becomes obsolete .

Generally , on Teachers day it is the students who are reminded to pay their respects to the teachers . With utmost respect to everyone who has ever taught me , I would like to take a different tone today .
My message goes out to all of you who consider or want to be considered as a teacher . Do not be Dronacharya . Do not teach with the intention of receiving something back , not even appreciation . It is difficult , very difficult to do this .
Maybe your students will not wish you a happy teachers day today , maybe they will not even talk to you . Do you still have the will to continue ?

                                                                                                                                   -Deepika
   

6/13/13

Revolutionary approach to Decision Making

I assure the reader that I am not going to propound a complex theory I came across in management circles. One of the worst investments I ever made in life was to buy a book called "decision making" .
It was utterly useless - not only did I spend a good amount of time trying to understand the parameters , I didn’t find one useful place in life where I could apply it !
Ever since then , I have been trying to figure out a way to simplify the PROCESS of decision making , and here are my thoughts on the same ..

Taking a life changing decision is a painful process (much more painful than living by a decision you made !) . Usually , when we have to take a decision within a fixed time , we  walk around with the heavy burden on our shoulders , brooding , taking advice from people , and yet not fully satisfied with most of the advice .
And even though we get good practical advice (hopefully) , in the end we end up doing our own thing . And later in life , we may sit and ponder -why did I take so and so decision ?

 I propose here the approach I took personally to take one of the major decisions in my life .

  1. One needs to have a clear cut choice between various options available - ie - I should either stick to choice A , B or C .
  1. Identify the factors on which to base  your decision.
  2. Break down the main factors into sub set of criteria - this is very important . You need to know what criteria to base the decision on . Society places a lot of importance on "practicality and future planning" . Often , we are advised to "not be emotional" while taking a decision.
                   I disagree . For a wholesome individual , emotional satisfaction cannot be sidelined just because
                   other factors are "practical"
  1. Based on the criteria , give a personal weightage (numerical value 1-10) to either A,B or C . I stress on the "personal " part because no matter how much advice u get from anyone - you and only you can determine the weightage YOU give to a criteria .
  2. Add up the weightages and whatever option has the highest weightage , go for it !


An  example:
Confusion :
Should I stay in a PG or stay in a rented room with friends ?


Factor 1 : Financial and logistics


Weightage to PG
Weightage to rented room
Costwise , PG is cheaper

3

If I stay in a room , I need to take care of domestic issues like cleaning , cooking etc

5

My parents etc can come and visit if I stay in a room


4


Factor 2 :Emotional


Weightage to PG
Weightage to rented room
I can stay with friends


9
Freedom to come and go as I choose


7
I may feel safer in a PG (more company)

4


Conclusion :
Total PG weightage = 3+5+4 = 12
Total Room weightage = 4+9+7 = 20

Rented room wins , no questions asked !


One of the best advantages with this approach is that - I can actually  document the major decisions of my life !!
I am assured in my mind that I take a logical approach to take decisions (logical , not "practical" , which means I account appropriately for emotional factors ) . And years later in life , if I choose to , I can trace back and re assure myself that whatever I decided was purely logical to me at that point of time :)

One of my friends came up with a profound thought when I described this complicated procedure  " You would have already decided in your mind . All these processes are only to bring it out and justify your decision" !!
My purpose of putting this out in my blog is a hope that it helps others "decide how to decide" !!!
I would love to hear feedback and comments , and know whether this is as useful to others as it is to me :)


-Deepika

6/12/13

The power of wrong

I don’t believe that actions in life can be classified under "right" or "wrong " .
People do what they do because they have tuned themselves into whatever they are at the point of time they perform the action.
I am not  the best person to be involved in a lot of  people related interactions .(Honestly , I prefer the emotional sanity that animals have to offer ! ) Nevertheless , when I live life , I have to perform my activities with the interaction of homo sapiens - sometimes it can be really really trying .

With this article , I only try to bring out one of such exasperating experiences .
When I do something "wrong" - the sequence of events happening after the recognition of considered-wrong - action are extremely powerful .

I once saw a beautiful ted talk where the orator was asking this question to the audience " what did it feel when you did something wrong ?"
Everyone came up with answers like "guilt , regret , salvation .." .
He brushed aside all of them and said "You only talk about what you felt AFTER you performed the action . What about DURING the action ? When you were DOING something wrong , IT FELT RIGHT !!"

This is really a mind shattering thought . I mean , really , think about it . All the wrong in the world that you did - did you really feel you were doing "wrong" while you were doing it ?
If we establish this as the base , can we really justify the amount of suffering we have undergone after being brought to notice that we were wrong ?

There is something wrong with the way we have been brought to deal with wrong doers . When someone has done something wrong ,  it gives us an immense sense of power over them .
He did something wrong to me - therefore it gives me the right to deal with him however I want . I am "allowed" to lose my head about it and humiliate him . I am "allowed"  to be rude to him . I am "allowed" to deny him the basic human dignities !
Really , should we be this way ? Sometimes it even comes down to " let me wait for him to do something wrong , point it out to him , and then bask in the glory of his guilt ." Oh , and how can I miss this ? It is obviously my birth right to keep taunting about this to him till eternity !

The most obvious fact we miss is this - the "wrong" is an act of the past . It may have influenced your present , BUT from this point onwards you can be the change to influence the future . Yes , someone screwed up things . But the prio1 for you is to do the damage control and only then talk to the person to see what you can do to work it out and prevent a screw up in the future .
Don’t hold a gun against someones head for one act of wrong she committed - it is not humane . Let her breathe , and not cover herself in a blanket of self loathing and guilt.
And if she does the same "wrong" over and over again , even if you repeatedly try to make things fine . Well , then it sucks . Its just a matter of you gauging your threshold and the importance you give to the person in your life .  There is no point in entering the same loop of self pity over and over again .. Either stay away from the person , or learn to not be bothered .

All of the above for the person empowered by being at the receiving end of the wrongful  act . For those at the committing end of the wrongful act - till soceity grows up , you will be reminded of the "sin" you committed every step of the way . It really sucks - but here is one pointer that I find helpful .
"People" are not really "people" - they are simply the sum total of their experiences . If they behave in some undesirable fashion , it is simply because the extrapolation of their  experiences tells them to do so . Don’t take them too seriously - they are not yet tuned to accept this new experience .


Well , the whole motto of everything is - wrong or right - hoping that someone suffers is never justified . And undergoing suffering yourself is pointless . Minimize any suffering under your control ,  and make the journey worthwhile  :)

4/25/13

In pursuit of happiness ?


Nope - I have not seen the movie , although I have heard that it’s a good one .
Am I in pursuit of happiness ? I don’t know - maybe not ?

Happiness is a conscious choice , and I am responsible for any choice that I make for myself . Therefore , if I am not happy , I am CHOOSING to not be happy . So , do I want to be happy ?

This article is going to turn a turn down the dark twisted road , away from all the bright sunshine flower fields .
What is happiness ? Chemically it is nothing but the release of endorphines . Simple as that . Ensure that you are enabling a release of endorphines , and you will be happy forever .
Ah , but no -there is a catch (of course there is !) . I know that singing makes me happy . Trouble is - when I am unhappy , I JUST cannot get myself to sing .
There are infinite metaphors to tell you that YOU are the one in charge of your happiness . If I have fallen in a well and I want to climb up , all I have to do is grab hold of the rope and climb up .
Its not like I need help finding the rope , oh no the rope is very easily available . But how do I get myself to be WILLING to grab hold of that rope ?
This one is a tough nut to crack .

Lets say I choose to be happy . Then I am burdened by the choice of picking one from the wide platter of various flavours .
There are all kinds of happiness - happiness with smaller things in life , happiness due to the decisions I make , happiness out of pride , saddistic happiness even . Can I choose to pick up saddistic flavour  and still remain "happy " ?

Soceity has a big influence on the thought process of the social homo Sapien . Often , the question asked is "Why are you sad ?" . Very rarely do we question someone with "why are you happy?" .
What does this mean ? Within the deep sub conscious of the soceity , happiness is programmed to be the default state .
We EXPECT people to be happy . Why ? I don’t get it , I really don’t .
The spiritual masters will tell one to remain neutral - choose neither happiness nor sadness and just take every event objectively as it comes by . Understandable that soceity is still evolving . Therefore , at some point of time , we collectively decided that we cannot be neutral , it had to be either state high or state low.
Why did we pick up state high to be the default one ? It is causing so much trouble to so many ! To begin with - a person is not happy , and on top of it she is questioned WHY she is not happy ?

Maybe we need the soceity as a whole to realise that happiness is a conscious choice .
This  automatically eliminates a whole truckload of crappy questions , and the enormous effort involved in trying to answer them  :
"Are you happy" will be then "Are you CHOOSING to be happy ?"
At the very least , it can reduce down the frustrating thought process of sitting and pondering and analysing whether I am really happy or not !

4/18/13

Grey Matters!


Generally , I am not one to promote television series – especially the Star world ones . I know by experience how little it takes to get one addicted to something , and how difficult it is to come out of it .
Of course , knowing that you can always catch up with a TV series is like a constant companion – kind of like a modern day “Betala” , that you can turn on at will to listen to a new story . A constant companion who sits on your back , and more often than not , tempts you away from activities that may actually benefit you .

Even when I write this article on promoting “Grey’s Anatomy” , I do not claim  that it does not get one addicted , or that it is worth getting addicted to !
My sympathies and addictions towards Greys Anatomy lie purely from the fact that watching it opened up a new perspective for me .
For those who do not know the series , it revolves around the lead character Meridith Grey , and her peers who are doctors at a leading hospital in Seattle . The episodes showcase the complicated lifestyle and relationships of surgeons against the backdrop of death and suffering of numerous medical cases.

The series had a annoyingly catchy promotional track “Meet Meridith Grey – she is just like you , dealing with Life’s toughest questions” .
Within the first few episodes I realized how lucky I was NOT to be Meridith Grey ! I felt blessed that I wasn’t a surgeon.  I am so incapable of taking responsibility for my life , the thought of holding the responsibility of someone’s life in my hands is extremely unnerving ! In a way , one’s seemingly huge pain is minimized when it is placed next to pain of higher magnitude . But this reduction in pain by comparison is not all that the series has to offer.

The value of what we have is understood only when we lose it . When you apply it to relationships , one still stands a chance of rebuilding those relationships . But – what about  LIFE ??
Once you are about to lose it , there is no use of the realization that hits you !
We go about our daily lives , treating the body like a slave – giving it far too much stress , giving it far too little rest , not caring to nourish it .. in short taking it for granted that when we wake up the next day , our slave will show up  and complete the work at our bidding . And that too , with the same efficiency as yesterday . Its only when the body gives away ,when the slave throws up her hands in the air and quits her job ,  that  we realize that no other replacement will work .

Life is short , beautiful and Precious ! We are lucky – we are so lucky that we don’t even know it . We are lucky to have a heart which keeps ticking like a clock . We are lucky to have healthy organs . You are lucky if you have functional eyes that are enabling you to read this . I am lucky that I have two perfectly functional hands to type this out !
The realization of how precious life is … It is totally wasted on those who are on the verge of losing It .
It is upto the ones alive and kicking , to have take this realization when we can – and more importantly – act like we value it .

There are a million things we can do to improve our lifestyle – and all of them start with the mind .
I cannot hand out advice that I don’t follow :) . But personally , I have being trying this very difficult exercise – Whenever a bad situation slaps me in the face , I try to take a deep breath – and be grateful that I can breathe .
This gratitude alone can kill half the bitterness .

The Art of Living courses that I took taught me a very important thing –
“No breath , no life . Know Breath , Know Life “
In a way , it talks about how Pranayam can benefit you . But in a different perspective , Maybe the very “knowing” that we are ABLE to breathe , helps us know life better .
                                                                                                                                                       -Deepika

4/15/13

Balancing the See Saw


Being a Libran , my concept of balance in life was similar to two kids playing see-saw !
Once you are high up in the air , and the next moment you are down ,almost on the floor .
The goal was simply to go up as many times as you fall down .

Life was nothing more or less than an emotional roller coaster ride . The only thing to look forward to were the days when I would be on the right side of the see- saw .
I have spent hours and hours devising some magic formula that would help me stay in the right side of the see – saw forever !

One of my attempts to reach the magic formula was to start a “No Bullshit movement”.
I have spent days in rebellion , completely fighting the bullshit against me , and feeling good at winning .
But this was not a permanent solution . One cant say no to all bullshit , there is some bullshit one HAS to take .
There are sensitive situations , dealing with loved ones for example, where ensuring their peace of mind becomes more important than saying “No bullshit “.

How then , could I see myself sitting on the right side of the see-saw ??
The thing is , I can never see myself sitting there forever . The thing about the “high” side of the seesaw is – the excitement lasts only uptil you reach there . Once you are there , there is nothing to do , but sit with your legs suspended in mid air !! That is pretty boring !

Recently , I seem to have found pieces of peaceful moments !
I have really never found myself so much at peace in months .Not that there is no bullshit happening . It is happening , and yet it doesn’t seem to affect me .

Maybe this is because I am able to see some amount of the “bigger picture” .
Maybe I have realized that this bullshit is not going to stay forever , nor is any bullshit .. I look forward to the next upcoming happy event – something as simple as going home and eating a good meal .
Maybe the realization that my life is actually awesome , is klilling some of the bitterness …

The whole point of this story is simply this –
Saying No to Bullshit doesn’t work.
What works is recognizing bullshit what for what it is – a piece of crap that I don’t need to stamp on and get my feet dirty ( Crap being a synonym for crap , and feet being a synonym for mind )

I read a joke somewhere – “Dealing with situations is  just using the concept of mind over matter . If you don’t mind , it doesn’t matter !!”

The real realization is – this is not a joke !!!!

Balance in life is the balance between staying IN the situation and going ABOVE the situation and looking at it objectively .
Forget about saying no to bullshit . The real goal is to be deep in bull shit and yet , stay mentally elevated above it !
                                                                                                                           -Deepika

4/14/13

Give it a Break !


What is the worst thing one can break ?

One may argue that breaking someone’s heart is the worst thing one can do .

I disagree .
I say breaking gadgets is the worst thing one can do . I am one of the least materialistic girl among my peers , and I still say that breaking gadgets is the worst thing one can do .

And this , I speak from the following experiences (experiments ?)
-Having broken someone’s heart
-Having my heart broken by someone
-Having my phone broken by someone
-Having broken someone’s phone

Experience 1 was not a traumatic one at all . You see , WHILE I was busy breaking someone’s heart , I never got a feeling of one doing something wrong .
It was only AFTER that the feeling of guilt etc  overcame me.

Having my heart broken , was an altogether different experience . I was COMPLETELY convinced that I was the most depressed life form on earth at that instance of time . It took much realization to implement Buddha’s principle in my life . If someone gives me something , it doesn’t necessarily mean I receive it . My life and my heart are entities purely in my control . If I dont want to take crap , I can condition myself not to get affected by it .
This new realization helped me get past the trauma of experience 1 . If I did something that was considered as “heartbreak” by another person , it did NOT mean that I was responsible for their conscious decision to stay unhappy !

Having my phone broken by someone  was the real pain (For a fact , people who know me  would know that “someone” actually refers to me :P )
A broken heart I can repair by myself – but a broken phone ? Dear god , the pain of having to cross seven traffic jams in Bangalore (tougher than crossing the seven seas! ) and trace an undetectable service centre , just to know that the cost of repair exceeds the cost of buying a new phone . Once, I just dumped  the phone in the service station dustbin !It seemed a less painful option than getting the thing home and breaking my head over how to dispose it !

Experience 4 – THE worst experience . Take experiences 1 and 3 – club the pain associated with both of them  together , and you get the cocktail of experience 4 !
All the domestic troubles of figuring out how to repair what you have broken , plus the guilt of having broken it . (Unlike hearts , when you break a phone you are solely and fully responsible for it L )

In the present age , people are highly dependent on their gadgets to get through the day to day activities .A phone which does everything from waking one up in the morning , storing her passwords , enabling her to talk to dear ones ,and remind her of tasks to be done throughout the day – imagine not having it all of a sudden . I feel as lost as a manager whose personal assistant left the job – I have NO clue what groceries I need to buy , or whose birthday I am forgetting !

Sadly , for me – the irony of my life remains that I am an electronics engineer with the most nightmarish experiences with electronic gadgets . Even ironically , I work to enable the very same phones that I regularly keep destroying L (Of course , I ensure that my company gets more business !)
My best record has been  wrecking my smartphone , a borrowed phone from my room mate, and a brand new laptop of the same room mate - all in less than 10 days !!

My dad once asked me “Are we there for the benefit of the phone , or is the phone there for our benefit ?”
After much soul searching , I hereby conclude – The phone is like my employee . I need to ensure that my employee is well maintained , or my company cannot deliver !

                                                                                                                                                                                                    -Deepika 

4/11/13

The BitterSweet Saga


Ugadi - The festival that celebrates the balance between Sweet and Bitter of life in welcoming a new year .
Our perception towards life is the same as our perception towards Jaggery and Neem - A liitle more Jaggery , a little less Neem …  I need a little more sweet and a little less bitter ..
The whole purpose of celebrating the festival is to re inforce the lesson that too much sweet causes a tummy ache , and one can only know the value of sweetness when she has tasted bitter .

So we all come together in a spirit of celebration , and welcome yet another cycle of a mixture of sweet and bitter experiences .  This is all very good - all the welcoming , and hoping for nicer things …
What sucks is that we do not account for the bitterness that has accumulated within us over the years  .  Every year that passes by brings with it a share of bitter experiences , and the effect  that it causes in our lives do not magically vanish with the beginning of a new year . It has to be dealt with , and no matter how many more "sweet" experiences we get , the layer of bitterness covering us does not allow us to experience fully .
And we live in a hallucination , hoping to coat ourselves with sugary incidents , sugary experiences .. And wait for the bitterness to vanish ..

We do not live in a culture where forgiving is not encouraged .. Most of the movies that become famous have an element of vengeance in them .. What is selling as reality shows these days is nothing more than the dark side of human nature brought to the fore , where one simply does not forgive a mistake ..
Fighting back is good when you are standing up for something , but to not fight even while having an issue is one of the worst things possible .
When you fight, at least , there the issue is being tackled .. One human being having an issue with another human being is atleast fighting it out and trying to move towards closure  .. But simply holding on to a feeling of grudge towards another human being , simply nursing a deep feeling of jealousy towards another human being , and secretly hoping that  they fall -really it just sucks that we absorb so much bitterness and don’t let it out in any way ..

I probably might not have made much sense when you combine the article as a whole ,  but that is exactly how life works :)
A little bit of sense here and there , mostly nonsense - and on the whole a complete platter with all the flavours for those who want to taste fully . The whole point is , one must learn to clean her palette once in a while :)
You cannot taste sweet if you have layers of bitterness all over you .. Let go , forgive , and embrace the new experience as it comes . The bittersweet saga is never ending - simple statistics can point that out !
Ending with a conclusion is boring . So here I end with a question - Probability forecasts that the coming year shows a random pattern of happiness and sadness . How equipped are you to deal with the never ending cycle ?

                                                                                                                                    -Deepika

1/18/13

Pain in vain causes more pain


In a weird , uncanny way , life is nothing more or less than the process of choosing .. Choosing right over wrong , choosing happiness over suffering , even choosing what troubles you want to undertake !
Our choices affect our responses , and our responses affect our choices – this is the viscous cycle of karma .
And this ability to choose our own suffering (even “create” my own suffering ) is what differentiates us from other living forms – even marks us as a “higher species” .

This “higher species “ has a highly complicated support system that enables it to produce “appropriate” responses to appropriate situations.

When you move your hand over a hot piece of coal , you immediately withdraw  your hand . You pull yourself OUT OF THE SUFFERING . This is behavior is hardwired into our cells –as  response to stimuli – the ultimate survival tool mother nature bestowed on all of us .
But this survival tool only takes care of a certain physical scenario’s – move your body away from anything that can physically damage you .. blink your eyes when someone there is dust around you ..
What about the situations that mother nature did not include in the programming set of “response to stimuli survival kit “ ? What about situations compromising your emotional sanity ? Did mother nature forget that aspect ?

Absolutely not !! She gave us the most effective tool to take care of such cases .
I am talking about the grey area in our body that has the capacity to take care of the grey areas in our life – our grey cells !!
Yes !! I have it , and you have it . But do we know how to best use this tool ?

It is funny the way society has groomed our emotional responses over a period of time .

When someone scold me , I am SUPPOSED to feel sad.
When I commit a mistake I am SUPPOSED to feel guilty.
When someone insults me , I am SUPPOSED to take offence .

The list goes on and on and on.

But really !! Am I “SUPPOSED” to feel anything , just because I “HAVE” to ? Just because it is the “right thing to feel “ ??
The amazing survival responses that work so beautifully in the physical situations just fall apart into dust in emotional situations !
Shouldn't we best make use of the survival tool in a way that leads to solving a problem ? Towards SAVING myself emotionally from pain , and not pushing myself towards more of pain ??

Thankfully , all this response set is derived out of the shit society has been feeding  our brains .
THIS IS NOT WHAT MOTHER NATURE PROGRAMMED INTO US !
Therefore I can break out of it , I can re program myself .. I can change my emotional responses .. I can break out of the viscous cycle of Karma …

All this stuff is very good in theory .. In practical , it takes a lot of effort to get there 
I haven’t gotten there myself , but it’s good to know that one can at least strive to get there …

I would love to leave that as the conclusion of the article , but it does no justice to the title ..
“Pain in vain causes more pain” – this is one of the responses that has been inbuilt into us .
When I put in a lot of effort to get something , and I don’t get it – its ok .. It hurts , yes , but it is still ok .. Because  at least I feel good about the effort I have put in ..
But .. When I undergo a lot of pain , and suffering , and  realize at the end of a long long ordeal that all the pain was pointless ?!! There was absolutely no sense in undergoing that much suffering … that does not give me relief …
It causes me more pain !!